听海 Whispers of the Sea

在2020年的夏天，疫情稍微放开后，我在青岛城中村的一家奶茶店做了非正式临时工。当时只想着帮一下在青岛的朋友，但是没想到会开始高中阶段自我认同最大的转变之一。

In the summer of 2020 when the COVID regulations became a bit less strict, I went to a boba shop in an urban village in Qingdao and did some unofficial part time job. At the time, I just wanted to offer some help to my friend in Qingdao, but did not expect to experience the initiation of one of my biggest identity transformations in my high school years.

在我上班的前几天，我只想说，真的好累。人们，不管是你的同事还是顾客，连看你的时间都没有。没有任何一个机器会停止运转超过五秒也没有任何店员停止做奶茶了。很多时候我只能趁着中午十五分钟休息在饭桌上尝试睡一会儿，虽然大部分时间也根本睡不着。

During my first days at work, I could only think of 'I'm SO TIRED'. People, regardless of them being your clients or colleagues, don't even have time to talk to you or look at you. None of the machines would stop functioning for more than 5 seconds and none of the workers have ever stopped making boba. For most of the time, I could only try to sleep during the 15-minutes lunch break on the dining table, although I couldn't fall asleep at all.

但就当我以为我在这当临时工的生活大概就这样了的时候，我在某天给客人点单的时候碰到一个人，他是我一个山东老乡。一开始我并没认亲，毕竟万一认错了呢，但是听着熟悉的不能再熟悉的口音，我问他是不是山东来的，他说是。这是我自打7岁离开山东后第一次在城市里碰到老乡，一种既熟悉又陌生的感觉涌上了心头。因为后面还有人要排队所以当时我们并没有说太多话，但是后他邀请我去他和其他几个农民工的住所了。那天，我住进了真正的城中村。

But when I started to think my part-time job would bascially end like that, I met a fellow-villager of mine from rural Jiaozhou when taking orders for clients. I did not approach him immediately just in case I was wrong, but hearing the accent that I could not be more familiar with, I tentatively asked him if he's from Jiaozhou as well. He said yes. This is the first time meeting a fellow villager of mine in a city ever since I left rural Jiaozhou when I was 7, and a familiar but strange feeling came up. Since there were more people waiting behind the line, we didn't have that much time to talk. However, he invited me to his apartment where other migrant workers from rural areas also lived afterwards. I moved into the real urban village that day.

城中村的房屋从外面乍一看其实很像我老家的那些房屋，但是和老家农村不同的是，我老家一点都不挤。老家虽然设施没有那么好，但是有宽阔的田野和自然，我出门是树林和小溪。但是在这里所有楼都是握手楼，感觉从老乡的窗户摸出去不到20厘米就能摸到旁边的楼的墙。在这里，我认识了很多很多从农村来城市打工的农民工。他们看我一个小孩都超级亲切因为觉得很少在城市里会见到懂农村的小孩，他们带我去吃了很多跟县城物价一样的餐厅也给我讲了他们自己的很多故事。我那时候就觉得，天啊，我来城市这么多年了才发现城市里的乡村社群吗。

All those buildings in urban villages kind of look like those buildings back in my rural hometown, but the main difference is that I don't feel that crowded back home. Even though we didn't have the best facilities, we had wide fields of crops and nature. I go out every day and see trees and rivers. But here all the buildings are 'holding hands buildings'. I can literally touch the wall of another building by just reaching my hand 20 centimeters away from the window of my fellow-villagers' residence. I met so many migrant workers from rural backgrounds here, and they were all SO SO nice to see a kid in such a megacity who understands rural areas in China. They brought me to so many restuarants in urban villages that had the same cheap price of the restuarants back home. They told me so many stories of how they left their rural homes and I just thought 'Wow, how come I didn't discover this rural community in urban cities after so many years'...

作为一个14岁的奶茶店店员，在那里的三周差点没累死。但是我又很享受在城中村的生活。第一次，真的去北京后的第一次，我找到了一个在城市里，我好像不用刻意伪装自己也可以活得很自在的地方。以前不管旁边的北京同学说什么，好像连我自己都觉得我的农村身份是会让我感到羞愧的事情了。

As a 14-year-old old boba shop worker, I struggled so much with the heavy workload that I almost 'died'. However, I enjoyed so much living in this urban village. It's the first time, really for the first time ever since I moved to Beijing, that I found somewhere I did not have to put on a mask in urban China. In the past, regardless of what my Beijing classmates said, it was seemingly true that even I, a village kid, regarded my rural identity as something inferior that I should feel a bit shamed of. I struggled so much with the heavy workload that I almost 'died'. However, I enjoyed so much living in this urban village. It's the first time, really for the first time ever since I moved to Beijing, that I found somewhere I did not have to put on a mask in urban China. In the past, regardless of what my Beijing classmates said, it was seemingly true that even I, a village kid, regarded my rural identity as something inferior that I should feel a bit shamed of.

回老家的时候我就想，我确实要接受农村和城市客观上的经济差异，但是这也不是天生含着金汤匙出生的北京娃可以拿来嘲笑农村的点。我更痛恨农村重男轻女的文化更讨厌小时候目睹妈妈被家暴，但是也是这些种种让我变成了一个能和别人共情，对身边人情绪敏感，更能洞察社会上那些不被人注意的事物的人。农村的根不完美，但是它对我比北京对我重要得多。

When I went back to rural Jiaozhou, I thought about how I had to accept the objective economic disparities separating the rural and urban areas of China, but this is DEFINITELY NOT something the super lucky rich Beijing kids should make fun of. I even hate the gender inequality and having had to witness mom suffering under domestic violence in my rural hometown. But, no matter how hard I try denying it, it seems like all those things also made me the person I am today. Those encounters made me a person who can symphasize with others, is sensitive to others' emotions, and spot the hidden corners of our society. My rural root is imperfect, but it's WAY MORE IMPORTANT than Beijing for me.

之后我便下定决心要继续探索城中村，这是我正式对自我城市/农村身份探索迈出的第一步。如果我的存在会被城中村这些农村背景的人们感谢，但我就应该继续在城中村当一个记录者。在那之后，在每个假期，只要我有时间我就会去城中村找人聊天，采访，再把ta们的经历整理到一起。在2022年快结束的时候我发现已经有20多个我采访材料了，我就想如果我能把我看到的我听到的我记下来的都分享给其他人就好了，于是我决定建立一个个人网站来分享我的所有田野调查。

Then, I became determined that I will continue exploring urban villages. This is the first formal step that I took in exploring my own city/rural identity. If my presence would be appreciated by those rural descendants in urban villages, then I should stay in urban villages as a genuine listener and recorder. After that, during every school break, I'd go to an urban village as long as I have time, talk to the residents, do structured/semi-structured/unstructued interviews, and collect all the human stories together. By the end of 2022, I realized that I already have more than 20 complete fieldwork records, so I decided to build a personal website to share all my fieldwork.

这些年我去了北京，上海，和广东那些最老最经典的城中村。在这些地方我见到了人类最真实也最感人的样子，哭着，笑着，我意识到人和人之间的联络才是这个社会上最重要的东西啊。而我能够作为记录者和跟我一样有农村背景的人建立联系简直太幸运了。如果我继续丢掉我的农村身份才是真的应该羞愧，被亲人们叫着小名弘弘，照顾着长大，在山顶和姥姥摘栗子的日子我怎么能忘呢。

During these years, I've been to Beijing, Shanghai, and the oldest and most representative urban villages in Guangdong Province. In these places, I saw humans' most authentic and touching characters. Crying, laughing, I realized that people's spiritural connections with each other is ultimately the most important thing in human society. Being able to record the lives of other rural descendants like me is already so fortunate. Abandoning my rural root would be something that's actually shameful. How can I forget the days being taken care of by relatives who called my by my nickname Honghong and picking up chestnuts at the top of the mountain with my grandma...

1.听海，顾名思义，指的是我在城中村采访农村背景的人们的过程中于自己的胶东临海渔村背景建立联系。英文名我给它起了Whispers of the Sea是想着在大城市里的农村人有自己的文化烙印。我们就像大海的呼吸和浪潮一样, 有着自己的文化传承，也必然有着自己的声音。

TingHai（Listening the Sea) refers to my process of building connections with my Jiaozhou Coastal Fishing Village background when interviewing rural descendants in urban villages. I also gave it an English name -- Listening the Sea -- as thinking how we, rural descendants in big cities, have our own cultural imprints. We are just like the mountains' breaths. We have our own cultural heritage and root.

2.这个网站上，根据被访者类型，我分了四类出来。这些名字看着都很迷惑但是进去有解释的！我是个很会起名的人。

On this website, based on my samples, I classified my interviewees into four types. The section titles look absolutely confusing but on the section page I have put explanations for those weird names! I am very good at naming.

3.作为一个合格的人类学家，本网站上抹去了所有采访者能用来被发现的个人信息，并且所有放在网站上的个人信息也都求得了本人同意。现在网站上有大概40个采访记录，但其实自己真实采访过起码有80个了。采访者们同意很重要！

As a qualified anthropologist, this website has removed all identifiable information of all interviewees, and all the information publicized on this website has been consented by my interviewees. Now, I have around 40 interview collections, but over these years I've done at least 80 in-depth interviews. Again, CONSENT!